Hitching A Ride

Friends, let me introduce u to my new friends - M Ishak & the Young Lover, L Ramlie & Orkes Teruna Ria, A. Halim, M. Osman, Zam Zam. They had been kind enough to accompany me during my 5 hours journey from KL-JB two thursdays ago. I was chauffeured of course. With another driver standing by. All alone in 24 seats limousine - i mean bus. All that for RM24.

Yup. I was the only passenger. Got the whole bus to myself. 2 drivers. And one 70s Karaoke video halfway through the journey. The co-driver really lived up to the limousine thingy - he offered me a chance to sing along to M Ishak & the Young Lover, L Ramlie & Orkes Teruna Ria, A. Halim, M. Osman and Zam Zam.

Pass.

I bid those friends adieu. For tomorrow i'll be going back to KL in my new RED lovely, tiny, midget, compact, built tougher than u think ride (hey.. i think i just described myself there except the RED part.. haha*vain moment*)

Dadar, if u're reading this - i got lost in Kempas/Kempas Baru earlier this evening. Konon nak explore the area by myself. Did pass by your house. Lepas tu terus sesat. haha. 30mins to find my way out to the highway. haha

Last but not least, to a very patience co-driver (iye ke co?heheh) who has been kind enough (and BRAVE) to accompany and teach me (again) these past few days on everything i should know abt driving; and whom has teased me mercilessly teruk2 about having a license but don't utilize it (seriously.. once he got me all fired up.. terus azam membara2 just to prove to him that i would and i could get behind those wheels one day!!); don't sell the spare helmet yet okay?

And now i have to practise on my vertical parking - rear first S'pore style.

Or maybe not. Muncung first is wayyy much easier for me. :P

As the below pic proves - having a ride doesn't mean i don't enjoy being driven around anymore ;)

Hey you baju merah.. sempat posing while driving eh?

The Silver Lining

Have u ever noticed that when u're under so much pressure - especially those in ur subconscious mind; u break down easily?

Currently, there are 2 main things on my plate. One of it has taken over my life completely since mid last year- everything which needs to be done revolves around it. And that is what im planning to get away from. As soon as i can, as best as i could.

But, the 2nd thing is as important as the 1st. For the 2nd has been part of my life for many many years. For the 2nd being the core of my strength and vital for my emotional wellness. I've made a resolution early this year for 2nd to be better than before. And that needs changes. Changes within me.

There will be obstacles, hurdles along the way. There are also heavy loads that has to be carried and as i progress further, it will be unloaded one by one and left behind. As careful as i could, i made my way, each step taken with great determination and hoping everything would turn out smoothly. Smooth it's not going to be. Bumpy it is, but the determination is still there. All I need is encouragement, acknowledgement for wanting to go on this journey. Refrain throwing remarks or judgement, for the load will become a burden, thus make me stumble on my path.

Eventhough I stumble, many at times; but I know I would get back on my feet. With cuts and bruises which will heal with care; endless prayers for the soul to be strong; upmost trust - and believe that I could; will eventually let me unload all those past burdens to embrace changes and have peace within me. Insya allah.

I won't give up. But I need time and patience from those who cares.

Through My Father's Eyes

"Lesson No. 3 : My sons and daughters. Those are exactly how your mom and I feel. Be kind to your mom and dad in our old age. Be nice to us. Speak to us. Touch us. Gladden us with your manners. Make us smile. Wipe away our tears. Wipe away our sweat. Kiss us often. Now you can demand your paradise. "

(Count Byron, 2006)

I've enjoyed tremendously reading Count's blog. It's like seeing the world through a father's eyes. Listening to his concerns and thoughts as how you imagine your own father would.

Baba in his younger days were known as THE Pak Long - the discplinarian. Any misbehaviours not only done by us - also the cousins would be halted with "Epp!! Nanti Pak Long marah!" or a warning gestures - a stare and a forefinger wave; and we would be as meek as mouses. not even a squeek would be made by us. We were terrified. Well i was!!

Bickering, picking on each other nerves were common between us; Big bro, kakak and me (this is way before Adik was born.. she's lucky mind you.. hehe). But none of these were displayed in front of Baba. NO NO. Crying were done discreetly. No throwing tantrums. How the three of us managed to fight without making a sound is also a wonder. hrmph... Baba made sure his presence was felt, seen and heard. Somehow even when he's not around, we could felt like he's watching our every move. It didn't help having a domestic helper who ALWAYS gave a full report to the parents for misbehaving. Alamak.. siap la tali pinggang or hanger. Extend the hands and PrAPPp! (But the hands remain smooth until now. hehe)

Yes, Baba was very stern and fierce (he was also a discipline master in his school). But that's his way of showing his love and concerns. As a kid, we didn't realize it back then. We would mengadu to Mak. "Mak, nape Baba garang? Nape Baba bukan mcm Pak *** or Pak ***" imagine if our kids say that to you.. x ke sedih... Watching our cousins running around, climbing here and there, we would think twice before "enjoying" ourselves like any other kids. When visiting relatives, Kakak and me MUST help setting the tables for lunch/dinner. Sama2 sibuk. Kadang2 ngelat dok dlm bilik bual2 with cousins.. siap la nanti dgr dr bawah "Anaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

Being a kid, curiousity gets the better of us; full of imagination and energy. We didn't need full sets of legos, or many barbies. We didn't have the latest, coolest toys in the market. Even if we do, we have to SHARE. there's no - this is ur toys, this is mine. But we've improvised many playing activities - double decker bed turns into an imaginary ship - big bro would be the buaya or jaws by crawling on his belly; lazy chair turns into a fortress (mase kecik2 kalau main tembak2, sape yg "mati" mesti lidah terjelir kn? nape ek?); bookshelves turns into an apartment for our smurfs, strawberry shortcakes, care bears and forrest family figurines - complete w an elevator we made with empty tissuebox and string; dinner table turns into a ping pong table;a game of rounders consisting a piece of wood and a tennis ball (selalu last for couple of days before Big Bro whacked the ball straight into the jungle in front of the house.. spoil mood!) and our all time favourites - sliding down the grassy hill using linoleum (those pvc carpetting). Hah! Snowboarding? we'll give it a pass anytime! When i was seven, Mak enrolled us into a teakwando class and there we were, the 3 of us practised teakwando in our frontyard along with our neighbour - the father and 2 kids of our age; and Baba would be the one who accompanied us during our grading sessions. Baba would bought us breakfast for us to bring to school every sunday. And he would sent and fetch us frm school on sundays. There was once, when i was in primary 2, i forgot it was Sunday, so i took the usual bus home. Little did i know, my dad was searching frantically for me in the school - kecik2 dah pelupa. I got a good scolding aftr that for making him worried. Did i mention that Baba also sgt pantang if we bought junk foods, iced drinks or ice creams? and i mean SANGAT pantang. if he found out we bought any of those, we'll get an earful from him. Hygiene wasn't the main consideration for school canteen during those days anyway. :)

Baba did make sure we had our fair share of happy childhood - sharing and playing together. And at the same time acknowledge our responsibility and aware of the limits eventhough we're still kids. Baba did what he did because he wanted us to be able to stand on our two feet and be brave. Never give up easily. Be considerate to others. And to have respects for the elderly. Mak is our emotional support system. While Baba would provide all the means and materials for us to succeed.

Now Baba is 'mellow'er. He voiced out his concern in different way. I could say i've grown closer to Baba.. the Baba i was once so terrified of.. hehe. It also helps to hv something in common w him (eg - a bf frm his birth country.. hehe) . Now, we could see more of his 'relax' side. The side that we didnt know existed when we're small. My dad is a joker afterall!! Tapi bila da rapat, sometimes i forgot to show my gratitudes and affections towards him. When we asked for a something from our parents; they would do their best to fulfill our needs and even wants! But how many of us children would do the same, instantly; when they asked us to perform certain task - the simplest it is. "OK.. in a minute".. "Ok, jap lagi"... and why reserved the good manners only for relatives; or org yg baru kita kenal; or even dgn buah hati je - our parents should be our priority. Being a parent doesnt mean hati diorg kebal dgn kerenah kita. Mereka pn manusia biasa. Kalau bleh buat baik dgn org lain, kenapa tidak dgn ibu bapa sendiri.

They have sacrificed their whole lives for us. They have been working very hard to give us the comfort we're in. When my parents were my age, they have started to support their parents in addition to their own family. Monetary; i don't have much to contribute yet, but there are many other ways i could and i know i should. But none of it could amount to what they've given me. Priceless. What good deeds have I done for my parents today? A question i should ask myself at the end of each day.

From the bottom of my heart, thank u Baba. Thank u so much.


p/s: coming soon, ode to my mom ;)

Tesisophobic

I malu la nk say which one of the above happened. The eyes were puffy remember? *hint hint*. But the twitching continues until now. Even no. 2 pn da jadi.. *it's time for my monthly allowance la katakan..* Agak-agaknye... no. 1 kot?? orang jauh mane ek? seberang 'the-soon-wud-be-bengkok' tambak kot? hihi

Amiiiiin

Ekceli.. ade benda yg nk diblogkn.. tp biasalah. perasaan bersalah menghantui diri mengenangkn lebih elok effort that was put in writing the blog should be put into writing thesis instead. hehe. waddahek.. tiap kali bukak file yg penuh dgn kertas2 journals and articles, time tu juga seram sejuk. nasib x gatal2 kuar rashes. am i allergic to academic write ups? hehe. tesisophobic. This would be the last post abt the thesis. no more aftr this. muak da. lepas ni kais laporan kisah masyarakat di mata ku aje. ;)

yg kelakarnye kan.. i am supposed to have started with conducting the interviews w the children la.. which means i hv to jd permanent fixture in the public library, to observe and interview them. tapi dlm kepala ni asik pikir "bilakah agaknye dpt ku genggam stereng kelisa oren ituuuuu?? senang nk g those libraries esp yg kat PJ n shah alam.. malas nk naik taxiiii memanjang" u see.. the thing abt being a professional procastinator *like moi* is.. there is and will ALWAYS be a reason for delaying the work. haha.

*sigh*

ohh kelisa oren.. hadirlah dlm mimpiku.. dan juga realitikuuuu